ChristyBassman.com

Hi.

Let me tell you about my day.

I was in the middle of watching Elizabethtown when I had to stop the movie to go outside and move my car with its NY State license plates to the other side of the road.

Because I don't have a parking lot. Or a driveway.

I park my car on the street in front of my apartment building.

I live in New York State.

I went back inside to finish watching the movie with my ex-boyfriend on my flat panel television.

I am the direct descendent of Mary Gatton, who did not have plumbing in her house until the late 1980s and who never drove an automobile in all her life.

Mary never had cable television. She never owned a computer. The Internet As We Know It didn't exist when she died. Scanners in supermarkets hadn't reached Kentucky yet when she died. Cellular phones? DVD burners? Prozac? Hybrid cars? No way. But I'm her granddaughter. She had a pet rat when she was a girl. I have pet mice.

My brain hurts a little right now.

About a third of the way through the movie a guy started singing a Lynyrd Skynyrd (sp?) song. I had to pause the movie to run into the kitchen and take my Prozac.

Before I left work today, I had to step outside to have a cigarette and ponder my existence. This Guy stepped outside after me and I stood there nearby, smoking. I said nothing. He puffed his cigarette about three times, threw it away, and went back inside.

I drove home. I cursed myself.

I arrived at home. I cursed myself some more.

Keith laughed at me.

What the fuck is wrong with people who drink Diet Pepsi? How can anybody drink Diet Pepsi? That stuff is terrible. It's not soda. It's not even a good excuse for soda. Raw saccharine tastes better than Diet Pepsi. It's terrible. It's simply abominable.

How in the hell can anybody drink Diet Pepsi?